A Need for Joy

I'm sorry, but I am going to vent a little. Today happened to be one of those days where I felt I could do nothing right. I felt as if I was letting people down, I wasn't and am never fast enough, I make dumb mistakes and ask stupid questions, and so on. This feeling happens to me so often, especially when I want to please people. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being a people pleaser. I'm sick of not being confident in myself. I am sick of always trying to be PERFECT. Who says that I have to be? Who says there is a certain way of living and I should follow it? 

I AM NOT PERFECT. There. I said it. And I'm proud of it. 

And I want to be joyful in the fact that I'm not perfect. Yes, joyful. That's something that is lacking in my life. Sure, I'm a happy person and all, but at the moment, there is not a deep joy in me and that makes me sad. Why should I not be joyful? I have so many great things in my life, and I have a God who loves me for ME. How can I not be joyful in that? Why do I more often than not see the negative things in life? I really want to blame our society, and I think it definitely play a huge part in influencing everyone, so I will. Society has taken away the joy that is possible in me because I see what I "should" be and am disgusted with myself when I am not, and instead of saying that's ok, because I belong to God, I give into society and fool myself to think that if I can meet their standards, I can be given that joy. 

This honestly is more a guess as to why I have a lack of joy, because really, I don't know. And I don't know how to fix the problem, so I've decided the best thing to do is pray. I am going to pray that joyfulness would take the place of my worries, fears and anxieties because that is all I can think to do at the moment. 

 

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.