So Strange

Oh my head.

Yesterday I experienced, yet again, a strange out of body experience. This would be the sixth or seventh time that it has happened since the start of the school year. I've tried putting into words what exactly happens/what I feel like when it occurs, but I have a difficult time articulating it... I know where I am and who is around me, but it's like I can't connect anything. Why am I here? There is a distinct smell, taste, or "feel" to the situation, but I can't put my finger on it. It's so strange. And after about 10 seconds it all comes back to me, but my head hurts and I feel emotionally tired and down.

So naturally, I expect the worse. I have brain cancer. I am going to die. And this makes me feel more anxious and stressed out about the situation, which I'm sure doesn't help my head. I know that there is a good chance I'm being silly, but just in case I'm not, I need to remember to trust God. I am mortal (which sometimes, I forget) and one day, as is natural and normal, I will die (excuse my frankness). Personally, I would much rather that be when I am old and gray, but in the meantime, no matter what ends up happening with these "episodes" I need to trust. Please pray that I stay hopeful and trusting.

In church this past Sunday, the pastor talked about the light and the darkness. To be honest, I can't remember what the whole sermon was about, but at one point a spotlight near me was shining on the cross at the front of the church. By the light, there were tiny, small, insignificant dust particles floating. I couldn't help but make an analogy in my head... Alone, the little, insignificant dust is gross and ugly. It's meant to be cleaned away. But they were illuminated by the light which was shining to the cross. And in that light, they glistened. This made me think how I CAN'T. I am so small. Little. Insignificant. But you, God, YOU CAN. Your light is my light, which illuminates the darkness, and that is what makes me shine.

To my beautiful niece:

Psalm 139:1-16

You have searched Anna, Lord,
and you know her.
You know when she sits and when she rises;

you perceive her thoughts from afar.
You discern her going out and her lying down;

you are familiar with all her ways.
Before a word is on her tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem her behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon her.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for her,
too lofty for her to attain.

Where can she go from your Spirit?
Where can she flee from your presence?
If she goes up to the heavens, you are there;
if she makes her bed in the depths, you are there.
If she rises on the wings of the dawn,
if she settles on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide her,
your right hand will hold her fast.

If she says, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created her inmost being;
you knit her together in her mother’s womb.
I praise you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Her frame was not hidden from you
when she was made in the secret place,
when she was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw her unformed body;
all the days ordained for her were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Happy First Birthday Anna!

Ooh that nagging feeling.

Being three years into my college education, and knowing that I still have a full year in a half of school left, you would think that I would be ready to be done with school. Oddly, I have had a strange nagging feeling that I want to add on an english minor. I have no idea if this will even come about, but in light of this new thought, I am going to try to write on my blog more often. Now, I am definitely not the most creative writer, and I'm sure there are grammatical errors all over the place (hence me wanting to take more english classes). But nonetheless, I am going to just write whatever thoughts cross my mind that might be somewhat interesting. In the meantime, those few people who read my blog will just have to bear with me.

So to start-- I am currently taking a children's literature course, and it is absolutely fantastic (still another reason for me to be inspired). My professor is Gary Schmidt who has written many books, and is actually quite "famous" in the children's literature world (I put famous in quotes because he is a person who is incredibly humble and who has a pure joy for good literature-- he would never consider himself famous, and the matter is of little importance to him).

A couple of weeks ago, he told us a little bit about the publishing process for books, and I was slightly astonished. Did you know that after an author's written work is accepted at a publishing company, they have absolutely no say in who illustrates their book or what the illustrations look like? As he said, "you have to just accept and be thankful someone is publishing it." In fact, the author and illustrator are not even allowed to communicate with each other. It's illegal. Most of the people who have illustrated his books, he has never even met. Some authors, he told us, have wept when they got their book back because it was so different from what they had envisioned. Now obviously, throughout the process, the author is able to talk with his editor, and if there is a major issue between the illustration and text, then sometimes things can be fixed (although, it's almost always the author who has to readjust his/her text, and not the illustrator). This boggled my mind! All these years I have been looking at a picture book of two completely different interpretations of a story and had no idea. My childhood has been flipped upside down.

And love, true love, will follow you forever and ever...

A couple of pictures from a great weekend.

Congratulations Jill! So grateful for a wonderful family.

Christmas, December 27

This is the first year that my family has not celebrated Christmas on Christmas day. Seeing as everyone in the family has in-laws now, the family time has to be divided somehow, and this year that means celebrating Christmas on Tuesday, December 27. So, today, after going to church and eating lunch, I spent the day with my parents watching Christmas movies and playing Scrabble. I have to say, it was rather odd not having anyone home, but I was strangely not too disappointed.

As I've grown up, the direction of my joy and excitement has changed quite a bit- going from toys and presents to knowing that Christmas is about a loving Savior who gave up his life for my own. I couldn't help but get a little choked up in Church this morning listening to the trumpets and drums playing Christmas music, glorifying the birth of our Savior.

It also made me a little sad that for most people around the world, Christmas revolves around a pretend man in a red suit, and hearing jingle bells played on the radio.

Even though we didn't "officially" celebrate Christmas today, I've realized that I don't have to confine Christmas to December 25, because Jesus' birth, life, and death are a part of each and every day of the year.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6 NIV

Europe Travels

I've been in Europe for a week now, and so much has happened! I've been keeping a journal since I don't have a computer readily available for me to use, so I will put some of what I've written on here for now.

Day 1

I made it to Manchester this morning, and I waited for my friends Kristen and Tessa to pick me up. They came 30 minutes after I arrived because my plane was a little early and they thought customs would take longer. So, I was sitting in the airport by myself and I was a little nervous because I was in a foreign country, I didn't have a phone, I didn't know anyone, and I didn't know where I was going-- I felt a little helpless to say the least. I spoke with Information Services to try and get a hold of someone, but as I was working with them, the girls came. It was so great to see familiar faces! We rode the train back to York, and when we arrived, I was amazed at the picturesque town that I was walking through, it was beautiful. We stopped at the girls favorite restaurant, Middleton's, and I had a scone with jam and cream. It was a perfect way to start the trip. At night, I also had my first drink... It feels a little weird being able to buy it!

Day 2

Today we went to London and I was able to ride the Underground Railroad (or, "The Tube"). Everywhere it says, "Mind the Gap" which is kind of funny... They even have shirts you can buy with the phrase on them. We went into St. Paul's Cathedral which was absolutely breathtaking. At night, we went to see, "Les Miserables" and it was absolutely fantastic. The ending is beautiful, and it has such great Christian undertones which gave me chills. The song they sing says,

"Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Somewhere beyond the barricade Is there a world you long to see? Then join in the fight That will give you the right to be free!! Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of angry men? It is the music of a people Who will not be slaves again! When the beating of your heart Echoes the beating of the drums There is a life about to start When tomorrow comes!"

Well, I need to go... We're going out tonight, so I have to get ready. Believe me, there is a whole lot more to come!

Avoiding Homework...

I am currently sitting at the library, avoiding loads of lesson plans I should be writing, along with papers and readings I should be doing. It's good to take a break, right? I'll just keep telling myself that...

School will be coming to a close soon, and I can't help but get a little bitter-sweet feeling inside of me about the whole thing. It's been quite the year... I've learned a lot more than I would have ever realized, and I've had some fantastic moments and memories that I won't ever forget. I am enjoying what is happening now (minus the crazy homework!), but I'm also looking forward to the future. I might be going to England for a couple of weeks at the end of the school year, and I can hardly wait for that to happen! I am also excited to live in a house with some of my close friends at the end of the summer/next year.

Speaking of taking a trip, I was just looking at some old pictures today, which also made me look forward to warm weather :). I think I should add this to my list of places I need to revisit...