Yesterday I experienced, yet again, a strange out of body experience. This would be the sixth or seventh time that it has happened since the start of the school year. I've tried putting into words what exactly happens/what I feel like when it occurs, but I have a difficult time articulating it... I know where I am and who is around me, but it's like I can't connect anything. Why am I here? There is a distinct smell, taste, or "feel" to the situation, but I can't put my finger on it. It's so strange. And after about 10 seconds it all comes back to me, but my head hurts and I feel emotionally tired and down.
So naturally, I expect the worse. I have brain cancer. I am going to die. And this makes me feel more anxious and stressed out about the situation, which I'm sure doesn't help my head. I know that there is a good chance I'm being silly, but just in case I'm not, I need to remember to trust God. I am mortal (which sometimes, I forget) and one day, as is natural and normal, I will die (excuse my frankness). Personally, I would much rather that be when I am old and gray, but in the meantime, no matter what ends up happening with these "episodes" I need to trust. Please pray that I stay hopeful and trusting.
In church this past Sunday, the pastor talked about the light and the darkness. To be honest, I can't remember what the whole sermon was about, but at one point a spotlight near me was shining on the cross at the front of the church. By the light, there were tiny, small, insignificant dust particles floating. I couldn't help but make an analogy in my head... Alone, the little, insignificant dust is gross and ugly. It's meant to be cleaned away. But they were illuminated by the light which was shining to the cross. And in that light, they glistened. This made me think how I CAN'T. I am so small. Little. Insignificant. But you, God, YOU CAN. Your light is my light, which illuminates the darkness, and that is what makes me shine.
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